Not Your Baby Mama

Blah Kind of Day

       After getting my four children up, dressed, fed, and off to church, I slid into the row 15 minutes after service started and breathed a sigh of relief!  Woooo I could relax and worship and the message was great.  There were more than a few things I can and certainly will apply to my life by the grace of God.
 Now: to collect each child from their respective Sunday school classes, listen to my four year old whine about not getting a sucker, load them all in the car and attempt to make a Starbucks run in peace..... and Fail!  The four year old is screaming about a Cappuccino (when she isn't even allowed to drink coffee), the 6 year old is chanting "I want cinnamon bread, the 9 year old is requesting I want cream on my frappuccino, the baby intermittently cries (it actually sounds more like baying at the moon although the moon isn't out).  I'm screaming be quiet and the gas light comes on shortly after pulling out the drive through and I remember why I told myself I should have got gas before I went in yesterday.  Dang OK, the gas station isn't that far and I can make it.  The fight for the frapuccino ensues in the back seat, but by now I can care less as long as I can get to the gas station .... Yes, I made it ... and shortly there after I am home.  After getting everyone in the house and giving them their orders (take off your coats, clean up the mess you made this morning and just go to your room to the four year drama queen) I flop down on the couch and nurse my famished one year old.  It's not even 1:30 pm and I'm exhausted. 
      It's on mornings like this it hits me how much I am alone, as in , without a partner.  The regrets and voices of the could of and should of fill my head and I wonder how did I get here?  29 and feeling 49.  Merely trying to make if from day to day, hour to hour... I think of what I'm not : Not spiritual enough, not disciplined enough, not strong enough.  Out of my fatigue I just want to scream "Stop the world I want to get off"!
      Then I have to put on my big girl panties and ask " Was service this morning all for naught?" If I don't apply the Word today when will I apply it?  So I literally tell myself " I am fearfully and wonderfully made" "I am not alone, He has promised to never leave of forsake me" "This too shall pass" "My past is the past, I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me." "God is for me, He has a given me a hope and a future, He has good plans for me and my babies".  And even as I write this blog a lovely and feisty lil four year old who by right should be in her room thinking about her behavior, comes and covers me with her blanket and kisses me and tells me she loves me.  (yeah I know I got played...but it's not the first time and won't be the last).  I am reminded "Children are a blessing from the Lord" !  This journey is not all good or all bad.  But it's mine and it can be all blessed.  Now to clean up the crap and maybe get a nap. 


Note: The Frappuccino was a Chai. 

posted by Mama Misha @ 12:41 PM