Not Your Baby Mama

Parenting out of Fear or Faith?

    

       As a mom, and especially as single mom, I can find so many things to be afraid of and anxious about when it comes to my children.  With all that is going on in the world I am constantly aware of their safety and well being.  I want them to have good friends and grow up to be kind and caring people.  If I had it my way nothing would ever harm them...( I have seriously worked myself up into a tizzy on numerous occasions wondering about the what ifs?) It seems there is crisis and tragedy around every corner and when you add the "normal" dangers with statistics being shoved down one's throat about children from single parent homes it's a wonder I let my children leave the house at all....(but that too could catch on fire ).  I mean, it is all just so much, from drugs, gangs, violence, the Internet, sex, std's, human trafficking, rape, molestation, and the fear of the unknown .... It's nerve recking at times.  I have those external fears of my own and don't let me turn on the news or get a call from my aunt or granny who tells me the latest tale of some single mom who's boyfriend or husband killed, molested, or sold her children.  I have to ask myself is it normal to introduce myself on a first date with "It's so nice to meet you, I hope you know I don't mind doing "time" for my children". 

    Then there are the internal fears.... the parts of me I hope I don't pass on to my children.  The shortcomings in my character and the looooong list of mistakes I have made. I was 20 years old when I had my oldest and Lord knows I just had no clue what I was doing.  I loved him the best I could,  but I didn't like myself let alone love myself. I was grasping for everything outside myself.... (but that is another blog or two).  I was a mess to be sure and all I knew was I didn't want them to be like me in a negative way .  (Now of course I don't mind if they have my good looks, impeccable style, or great sense of humor... but I digress. :) )

    For years, I parented in light of who and what I didn't want my children to be.  I'd even say , "you won't be no liar etc".  (Just yesterday I tried to scare my daughter into staying close to me at the mall by threatening her with a kidnapping....Forgive me Father.) I'd parent in anger because I felt the weight of dodging every calamity and tragedy rested solely on me.  I thought I had to make sure they didn't make my mistakes.  I was tense and tired and stressed and up tight nearly all the time.  I was soooo filled with fear I was in state of mobile paralysis.  I was bound and no free to enjoy my children.  It wasn't until recently the I finally let the Lord graciously show me I'm not this alone.  He has patiently and graciously been here every step of the way.  Leading and guiding us.  Now it's no cake walk and I'm not saying just through caution to the wind and say anything goes.  Children need supervision, guidance, discipline, and care.  We should tell our children the truth...yet, in love and not fear.  My brother always told me that ultimately my children are God's children.  It is sinking in little by little that he is right.  Because they are His, I have a great responsibility and my role as a mother is no joke, yet more importantly He loves them far more than I do or can.  His power and grace and mercy far outshine my inconsistencies and inadequacies as a parent.  So, while I'm learning every day how to be a parent and how to let God be God.  I 've picked up and learning to practice the following

• If I don't love me I can't really love what comes from me...even my babies
• I'm parenting out of fear when I'm
• over controlling
• Worrying and not praying
• Not saying what God says about my children
• Not enjoying their company (now don't get me wrong everyone needs a break from Dora and the Power Rangers, but most of the time being in their presence should be a pleasure)
• Snappy, and short and they are just being children
• Trying to make them into who I wish I had been, instead of seeking God to show me who He has made and called them to be
• Overly concerned how their behavior reflects on me as a parent
• Nag at the negative more than build them up and praise the positive
Fail to discipline them for selfish reasons (I'm tired or guilty cause the other parent is absent)

I know this is not new or rocket science, but it is powerful!  Speak God's word over your children in regular conversation.  Sometimes I just will tell my sons "I love you, you are such mighty men of God"  I tell my girls "you are precious and virtuous women".  I could stand to do it more.  Praise and compliments are contagious.  The more I praise them, the more they compliment each other, or least stop insulting each other...by faith. 

posted by Mama Misha @ 2:26 PM