Not Your Baby Mama

Testing! Testing!.Mobile blog attempt 1

posted by Mama Misha @ 6:46 PM 0 Comments

Abortion and the Single Mom #1 (SD new Abortion Law)

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20045953-503544.html


[This isn't exactly breaking news, but I have been giving it some thought.  While I am generally against abortion, I can understand the reasoning of both sides of the issue and because it is a super hot button issue in America I think it is something that should always be up for discussion.  (America needs to get back to discourse and not angry arguments but that's another blog for another day)]

South Dakota, has one abortion clinic in the state and a brand new law that will make having an abortion even less accessible.  The law requires women to receive "counseling" prior to having an abortion as well as subjection to a three day waiting period.  Pro Choice advocates plan to challenge the law and one reason given is the fact that SD only has the one abortion clinic and this will cause and undue hardship on women  who have to travel long distances twice in a three day period.  To this I respond.... well I guess??? Even if we don't argue the whole sanctity of life issue, we are left with the fact an abortion is a serious medical procedure and it shouldn't be made lightly just in terms of the mother and her health and well being.  I have had to have consultations days before having tubes placed in my children's ears.  I was given literature and had to sign waivers regarding anestsia and ultimately decide if I wanted to have the procedure performed.  So, the argument of time and travel kind of falls flat with me.  Now, if I were to play devils advocate, I would say the argument of this law setting a precedent and putting the issue of a woman's right to choose on a slippery slope is a much more valid and persuasive argument. 

I do think an abortion is a very serious decision.  There are all kinds of implications and consequences.  I think women should have all the information possible at their disposal when making the decision, and I don't think a three day waiting period is just crazy unreasonable.... But I do want to know what is South Dakota going to do to make it easier for women to decide to have their babies.  Are they going to invest in continued education for teen and single moms? Are they going to strengthen their child support laws?  Are they going to offer education to young fathers?  Are they going to adjust their adoption laws to make the process more friendly to the frightened mother? How about free family counseling for teens and their families surrouding the consequences of bringing a child into the world?  This law rings short sighted to me... like much of the right wing stance on social issues.  (yet another blog). 

 I'm a Social Worker (a liberal leaning profession), an African American single mother (a marginalized yet heavily populated group) and a non denominational Christian who happens to live in America (generally a conservative religion).  So, I have some conflicting issues on abortion even within myself.  All I can say for now, is this is not the end of this issue on my end.   Feel free to share how you feel.

posted by Mama Misha @ 2:26 PM 2 Comments

Blah Kind of Day

       After getting my four children up, dressed, fed, and off to church, I slid into the row 15 minutes after service started and breathed a sigh of relief!  Woooo I could relax and worship and the message was great.  There were more than a few things I can and certainly will apply to my life by the grace of God.
 Now: to collect each child from their respective Sunday school classes, listen to my four year old whine about not getting a sucker, load them all in the car and attempt to make a Starbucks run in peace..... and Fail!  The four year old is screaming about a Cappuccino (when she isn't even allowed to drink coffee), the 6 year old is chanting "I want cinnamon bread, the 9 year old is requesting I want cream on my frappuccino, the baby intermittently cries (it actually sounds more like baying at the moon although the moon isn't out).  I'm screaming be quiet and the gas light comes on shortly after pulling out the drive through and I remember why I told myself I should have got gas before I went in yesterday.  Dang OK, the gas station isn't that far and I can make it.  The fight for the frapuccino ensues in the back seat, but by now I can care less as long as I can get to the gas station .... Yes, I made it ... and shortly there after I am home.  After getting everyone in the house and giving them their orders (take off your coats, clean up the mess you made this morning and just go to your room to the four year drama queen) I flop down on the couch and nurse my famished one year old.  It's not even 1:30 pm and I'm exhausted. 
      It's on mornings like this it hits me how much I am alone, as in , without a partner.  The regrets and voices of the could of and should of fill my head and I wonder how did I get here?  29 and feeling 49.  Merely trying to make if from day to day, hour to hour... I think of what I'm not : Not spiritual enough, not disciplined enough, not strong enough.  Out of my fatigue I just want to scream "Stop the world I want to get off"!
      Then I have to put on my big girl panties and ask " Was service this morning all for naught?" If I don't apply the Word today when will I apply it?  So I literally tell myself " I am fearfully and wonderfully made" "I am not alone, He has promised to never leave of forsake me" "This too shall pass" "My past is the past, I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me." "God is for me, He has a given me a hope and a future, He has good plans for me and my babies".  And even as I write this blog a lovely and feisty lil four year old who by right should be in her room thinking about her behavior, comes and covers me with her blanket and kisses me and tells me she loves me.  (yeah I know I got played...but it's not the first time and won't be the last).  I am reminded "Children are a blessing from the Lord" !  This journey is not all good or all bad.  But it's mine and it can be all blessed.  Now to clean up the crap and maybe get a nap. 


Note: The Frappuccino was a Chai. 

posted by Mama Misha @ 12:41 PM 4 Comments

Let's Talk About .....

I like to go there....

I like to talk about things that are sometimes considered taboo, slightly because it tickles me, but mainly because these are the things that people are really dealing with and cut to the core of who we are.  So, in near future I will be dealing with the real issues of my life:

Sex and Sexuality for the Single Saved Mama
Single parents and the church
Abortion
Child support
Dating
Interracial relationships
Politics
Making ends meet
Race and gender in the church
Stereo types
Self hate
Self Esteem
Depression/ Suicide....
Education
Incarceration
Black family
White Single Moms v Black Single Moms
Facebook
Twitter

It's all life... so why not be honest? 

posted by Mama Misha @ 7:57 PM 0 Comments

Big Mama (About My Mama)

I must say I have been exceedingly blessed to have one of the very best women I have ever known or hope to know as a mother.  My mom left me a legacy of Godliness, love, and compassion I dream of attaining.  She lived an impeccable example in front of me and my children and I don't know where I would be without her.  She went home to be with the Lord on May 28th, 2009.  I miss her daily and my being aches for her, yet, I count myself honored to be her daughter. My mother did such a marvelous job as a parent sometimes I forgot she was a single mom herself.  I know in my heart the reason I could always count on my mother is because she always counted on her Father and walked so close to Him! 


 I love you mommy!

posted by Mama Misha @ 7:46 PM 0 Comments

So, Why "Not Your Baby Mama"?

When deciding to write a blog about my life, mishaps, joys, adventures, traumas, and dramas as a single mother, I simply couldn't stop myself from mulling over the fact that I really don't like the terms "Baby Mama" or Baby's Moms"...[yuck]!  Besides leaving a bad taste in my mouth and mind due to all the negative connotations associated with Baby Mamas... the term itself if just simply inaccurate...in the long term.

A human is baby for a relatively short time. Does one stop mothering a child independently merely because the child has reached toddler age, school age, adolescent, teen, young adult, adult?  Surely not! I have a nine year old and a baby and two in between.  I parent them all!  I am committed to each one of them...I'm  not just the Baby's Mama...

Aside from the erroneous nature of the term I find it dismissive.  "Baby Mama"... like anyone can do it?  Yeah Right(... do bare with me I have side conversations with myself)  Being a committed, active, and attentive parent is all encompassing whether single or married... Now being a single parent is double duty... twice the effort and responsibility and half the credit.... as if motherhood wasn't a thankless enough job.  Now don't get me wrong there is no way a mother or father worth their salt is in this for the praise and accolades. Parenthood is a labor of love and a glad sacrifice and when done in light of God's Word and ways it produces a legacy.

That term Baby Mama conjures all kinds of negative imagery:
-irresponsibility
-excessive drama
-money hungry
-constantly in the club
-desperate
-defensive... and the list , like to beat goes on....

Once I had a woman ask me "did I like being a mother?"... I responded "yes" while I swallowed all the expletives I wanted to unleash on her back down my throat.  What gave this woman, a mother herself, the right to ask me if I "liked" being a mom?  Was it the fact that she was married?  I sure hope not because poor, discontented, unhappy, trifling, neglectful, and pitiful mothers come in all shapes, sizes, and demographic groups.

Every single mother I consider myself close to is serious about their role a sole caretaker and passionate about the precious children entrusted to their care. We are parents in the good and the bad with support and without and our commitment is not one of convenience its one of sure love and dedication.

Call us strong, call us committed, call us determined, call us tired and overwhelmed at times but Not Your Baby Mamas

posted by Mama Misha @ 7:24 PM 2 Comments

Thee Disclaimer

posted by Mama Misha @ 6:05 PM 0 Comments