How Clubbin' made me want more of Jesus!
Now bare with me, I'm going to go around the barn and through the back door on this one..but I promise I will make it to my point.
When I started dating, my mother insisted on meeting the guys I was going out with and when she had her introductory conversation it usually went something like this, " so nice to meet you, how are you, how are you doing in school,...do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?"!!!!!... I am standing there stunned and embarrassed no matter how many times she pulled that line out. What 16 year old wants her mama asking her date about his relationship with Jesus???? I didn't pay much attention to my relationship with Jesus...I just liked the cute guys. :) But NOW I am a mom and I am starting to get it. Nothing is going to tell more about the character of a man or woman than his or her relationship with Jesus. If that relationship isn't working, every other relationship is going to suffer or have some sort of stress or strain. See my mother was concerned about my future and the type of relationships I entered and how they would reach beyond the immediate. Me ...not so much!
Since my mother has passed away I am learning to let God be God in new ways. I am allowing Christ to establish a more intimate relationship with me and my world, my life, my relationships with others and myself are the better for it...
So, Off to the club! I went out this weekend for my best friend's birthday and I had a really good time. (I should have, it was the first time I had been out since Skip was a pup) I danced, I laughed, I caught up with old friends, I got dressed up (showed too much cleavage), went out to breakfast with some really cool dudes, and cursed a bit much (He is not finished with me yet!) What I didn't do was think I would meet the love of my life in the club, drink myself into a stupor, or trip over anything that wasn't positive. I had a great time and I couldn't stop thinking about how blessed I am to have the friends I have, the family to help me with my babies so I could go out and have a good time, the transportation, the laughter and the camaraderie. I drove home listening to Christian contemporary, repenting of my potty mouth and longing for more alone time with God. Although my night was great, I knew nothing will ever fill me like God.
Now mixing Christ with the club may seem sacrilegious to some, but I know that I know my relationship with Christ is just that a relationship. It's not perfect on my end but it is real! It convicts me, convinces me, and changes me the more and more I listen and obey in the most real and genuine way I can. I didn't have to go home and lay up with some man to fill my void or drink to erase my pain. I left the club wanting more of Jesus. I got home at 5 am and back up a 8:30am and it was pleasure and a blessing to go to worship this Sunday.
So, fellas if you catch me in the club, the grocery store, or Sunday morning service I'd just like to say, " Hi, my name is Misha. How are you? How is your personal relationship with Jesus?"
Yes We Can....Extend Tax Breaks to the Wealthy and Make it Harder on the Poor: A Comment to President Obama
Dear President Obama,
What in the world is going on in D.C.? Please help me figure it out. Health care reforms that were minimal at best are now back on the chopping block before any real impact can be made. Extending the Bush era tax cuts for the super wealthy and NOW potentially making Medicaid, medicare, and nutrition and food benefit programs block grants for states to administer as they see fit????? What? Where? How? ( Have you even heard of Arizona Mr. President?.. I wonder what Sheriff Joe will do with food stamp funds?????) Mr. President I believed in you... I am still trying to. I knew you stepped into one of the biggest messes this country has ever seen both socially and economically. I knew the global economy was in flux and your role as our first Black President was and is going to be under constant scrutiny. You have a position I don't even envy. (I may have tossed a rock at someone by now..but that is another story) I know in my heart you are a good man and you sooo want people to work together but I need to know how is this working for you???? Cause it's not looking so good for us... Us struggling single moms, lower economic status, working poor, educated beyond our job opportunities, paying 4.00 a gallon, trying to make ends meet Americans.
I know the congress is not working with you. And I can say with almost all certainty they won't. There are those in your own party who would wish your demise. There are those so concerned with destroying you and any chances at your re-election they would further burden this country that is already broke and bleeding. I know a budget needs to be balanced and deficit gaps closed, but why is always at the cost of the most vulnerable among us? Sir, my heart leaped when you were elected. I believed in the changed you preached. I didn't think change meant a Utopian existence. No, Mr. President, I don't count you as either Messiah or Anti-Christ as so many do. I just believe you to be a decent man, a man full of optimism and a fresh perspective and political leanings that more resemble my own than any representative of the other major political party. I did however hope change would mean we would be getting out of the two wars your predecessor got us into, not adding a third. I thought education would be on the for front and more young people would have greater access to quality education regardless where they are from.
Mr. President, I appreciate the thoughtfulness and pragmatic approach you bring to the table. It is needed after the nearly decade long stint of rash words and irresponsible actions that came out of the Oval Office prior to your arrival. I would love if this country could learn to dialogue rather than berate. If we could be a nation that is not only so called "Christian" in our self righteous moral stiffness, but actually be Christ like in our compassion for the poor and hurting. Yet all the hoping in the world is not going to change anything. We look to our leaders to lead. Not to cave or compromise us into submission and further destruction. You won! I don't know if you notice it or not but elections have consequences and the winners have their say. The opposing party is certainly exercising the privileges they gained in the latest rounds of elections. When will you exercise yours.....?
http://stpeteforpeace.org/obama.html
Before all my "black" people disown me for criticizing the first black President, just read attached link! Yes READ!!!! It's good for you!
On the Topic of Advice (Especially Unsolicitated)
I don't care for unsolicited advice! It bothers me. It shows my immaturity in some respects, but I do believe the best advice is asked for. I have to learn to discern the difference between people's flighty, unsolicited, uneducated, and unwarranted opinions and sound advice, wisdom, and reason. For instance, I don't like when people who don't have children give me parenting advice.... To me it's really absurd. Now I understand there is common sense and obvious observations anyone can make. For instance I don't have to be fire fighter to tell you your house is burning down... But you'd sure like a trained fire fighter ( a few of them too, with proper equipment) to put out a 5 Alarm blaze.
Now don't get me wrong, we can learn something from everyone! Truly! Yet, there is a reason there are specialists in the world. Do you want a family practice doctor to remove your brain tumor? I mean I would if I had to choose between him and a lawyer .... but you catch my drift....
Sometimes, I feel that anyone thinks they can give parenting advice. I hear people say...if I had a child I would xyandz or when I have children I would never ... bla bla. Everyone is a theoretical genius when it comes to parenting. I mean everyone... People are quick to say what you should do or what they would do when the truth is they have no clue!
So here is my Unsolicited Advice on giving advice:
- Ask yourself....did anyone ask me?
- Ask yourself...do I really KNOW what I'm talking about..(do I have any experience in this area)?
- Ask yourself...will or can my comments do more harm than good?
- Ask yourself...is this really the right time?
- Ask yourself...what qualifies me to speak into this person's life? (Am I a loved one, do I truly care bout this person or do I just want to get my point across?)
- Ask yourself...when was the last time sowed anything into this person's life? (People usually take advice better from someone who has more to give than just his or her opinion)
- Ask yourself...is this person truly in a position to receive and understand what I am saying? (There are seasons in people's lives where they just need compassion or a LISTENING ear?
- Ask yourself...what is my motive?
- Ask yourself...is what I am saying even true?????
- Ask yourself...did God tell me to share this with this person? (if at all and whenever possible, pray before giving advice)
- Ask yourself...what areas of my life can I apply my own advice..?
Words to avoid when given advice:
- Should! you should...
- Need to! you really need to
- Can't! you can't...
- Have to!...
Word that may be helpful in giving advice:
- Have you considered....
- In my experience...
- This may work for you....
- It's really your choice...
More than words I have need action and examples in my life. People who show are usually more effective than those who tell.
WHOA Nelly: Sex and Salvation and Singles all in one Serving!!!!
WHAT??????
After reading this blog all I can say is Wow! This sister definitely goes hard in the mutha scrappin paint! Do I agree with everything she says.... Not so much but do I think and know we really need to talk about it. She makes some good points about sexuality and sex and hypocrisy and double standards in the church and especially in the black church....can I get a ...neva mind ...just read it!
http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/2011/02/03/single-saved-and-sexin-the-gospel-of-gettin-your-freak-on/
Parenting out of Fear or Faith?
As a mom, and especially as single mom, I can find so many things to be afraid of and anxious about when it comes to my children. With all that is going on in the world I am constantly aware of their safety and well being. I want them to have good friends and grow up to be kind and caring people. If I had it my way nothing would ever harm them...( I have seriously worked myself up into a tizzy on numerous occasions wondering about the what ifs?) It seems there is crisis and tragedy around every corner and when you add the "normal" dangers with statistics being shoved down one's throat about children from single parent homes it's a wonder I let my children leave the house at all....(but that too could catch on fire ). I mean, it is all just so much, from drugs, gangs, violence, the Internet, sex, std's, human trafficking, rape, molestation, and the fear of the unknown .... It's nerve recking at times. I have those external fears of my own and don't let me turn on the news or get a call from my aunt or granny who tells me the latest tale of some single mom who's boyfriend or husband killed, molested, or sold her children. I have to ask myself is it normal to introduce myself on a first date with "It's so nice to meet you, I hope you know I don't mind doing "time" for my children".
Then there are the internal fears.... the parts of me I hope I don't pass on to my children. The shortcomings in my character and the looooong list of mistakes I have made. I was 20 years old when I had my oldest and Lord knows I just had no clue what I was doing. I loved him the best I could, but I didn't like myself let alone love myself. I was grasping for everything outside myself.... (but that is another blog or two). I was a mess to be sure and all I knew was I didn't want them to be like me in a negative way . (Now of course I don't mind if they have my good looks, impeccable style, or great sense of humor... but I digress. :) )
For years, I parented in light of who and what I didn't want my children to be. I'd even say , "you won't be no liar etc". (Just yesterday I tried to scare my daughter into staying close to me at the mall by threatening her with a kidnapping....Forgive me Father.) I'd parent in anger because I felt the weight of dodging every calamity and tragedy rested solely on me. I thought I had to make sure they didn't make my mistakes. I was tense and tired and stressed and up tight nearly all the time. I was soooo filled with fear I was in state of mobile paralysis. I was bound and no free to enjoy my children. It wasn't until recently the I finally let the Lord graciously show me I'm not this alone. He has patiently and graciously been here every step of the way. Leading and guiding us. Now it's no cake walk and I'm not saying just through caution to the wind and say anything goes. Children need supervision, guidance, discipline, and care. We should tell our children the truth...yet, in love and not fear. My brother always told me that ultimately my children are God's children. It is sinking in little by little that he is right. Because they are His, I have a great responsibility and my role as a mother is no joke, yet more importantly He loves them far more than I do or can. His power and grace and mercy far outshine my inconsistencies and inadequacies as a parent. So, while I'm learning every day how to be a parent and how to let God be God. I 've picked up and learning to practice the following
- If I don't love me I can't really love what comes from me...even my babies
- I'm parenting out of fear when I'm
- over controlling
- Worrying and not praying
- Not saying what God says about my children
- Not enjoying their company (now don't get me wrong everyone needs a break from Dora and the Power Rangers, but most of the time being in their presence should be a pleasure)
- Snappy, and short and they are just being children
- Trying to make them into who I wish I had been, instead of seeking God to show me who He has made and called them to be
- Overly concerned how their behavior reflects on me as a parent
- Nag at the negative more than build them up and praise the positive
- Fail to discipline them for selfish reasons (I'm tired or guilty cause the other parent is absent)
I know this is not new or rocket science, but it is powerful! Speak God's word over your children in regular conversation. Sometimes I just will tell my sons "I love you, you are such mighty men of God" I tell my girls "you are precious and virtuous women". I could stand to do it more. Praise and compliments are contagious. The more I praise them, the more they compliment each other, or least stop insulting each other...by faith.
Here are some scriptures the Lord had lovingly blessed me with as a Single Mom
Proverbs 23: 10-11 - 10. Remove not the old landmark; and enter not into the fields of the fatherless 11. For their Redeemer is mighty; he shall plead their cause with thee.
What I take from that scripture is, God is a good God and He is on the side of my children. The fatherless in earthly terms are precious to Him.
Deuteronomy 27:19- 19. Cursed be he that perverth the judgement of the stranger, fatherless, and widow. And all the people say , Amen
I'm not here to argue doctrine, but I once heard a minister say single moms are a kin to the "widow" from biblical times.
Jeremiah 49:11 - 11. Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive; and let thy widows trust in me.
What I understand from this scripture is that no matter what is going on, He is forever concerned with his children, especially the fatherless.
And one of my favorites:
Isaiah 40:11
11He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.
To us who have earthly fathers and to us who don't, God is a gentle father He holds us ever so close.
Testing! Testing!.Mobile blog attempt 1
Abortion and the Single Mom #1 (SD new Abortion Law)
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20045953-503544.html
[T
his isn't exactly breaking news, but I have been giving it some thought. While I am generally against abortion, I can understand the reasoning of both sides of the issue and because it is a super hot button issue in America I think it is something that should always be up for discussion. (America needs to get back to discourse and not angry arguments but that's another blog for another day)]
South Dakota, has one abortion clinic in the state and a brand new law that will make having an abortion even less accessible. The law requires women to receive "counseling" prior to having an abortion as well as subjection to a three day waiting period. Pro Choice advocates plan to challenge the law and one reason given is the fact that SD only has the one abortion clinic and this will cause and undue hardship on women who have to travel long distances twice in a three day period. To this I respond....
well I guess??? Even if we don't argue the whole sanctity of life issue, we are left with the fact an abortion is a serious medical procedure and it shouldn't be made lightly just in terms of the mother and her health and well being. I have had to have consultations days before having tubes placed in my children's ears. I was given literature and had to sign waivers regarding anestsia and ultimately decide if I wanted to have the procedure performed. So, the argument of time and travel kind of falls flat with me. Now, if I were to play devils advocate, I would say the argument of this law setting a precedent and putting the issue of a woman's right to choose on a slippery slope is a much more valid and persuasive argument.
I do think an abortion is a very serious decision. There are all kinds of implications and consequences. I think women should have all the information possible at their disposal when making the decision, and I don't think a three day waiting period is just crazy unreasonable.... But I do want to know what is South Dakota going to do to make it easier for women to decide to have their babies. Are they going to invest in continued education for teen and single moms? Are they going to strengthen their child support laws? Are they going to offer education to young fathers? Are they going to adjust their adoption laws to make the process more friendly to the frightened mother? How about free family counseling for teens and their families surrouding the consequences of bringing a child into the world? This law rings short sighted to me... like much of the right wing stance on social issues. (yet another blog).
I'm a Social Worker (a liberal leaning profession), an African American single mother (a marginalized yet heavily populated group) and a non denominational Christian who happens to live in America (generally a conservative religion). So, I have some conflicting issues on abortion even within myself. All I can say for now, is this is not the end of this issue on my end. Feel free to share how you feel.
